i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
