i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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