NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
