I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
