So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize