I heard we made out
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
