I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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