He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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