haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
