girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
