I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
