If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
