theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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