She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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