You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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