youre lurking in front of me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
