Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
