How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
