i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When are your genitals available?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
