fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just cropdusted the office
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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