Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he shaved USA in his pubs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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