i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
