Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
