Buhtt sex?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
