I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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