I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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