bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
