Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she pinky promised me she was 18
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
