I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
