I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
