god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
