well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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