We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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