sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
