OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
