Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
