you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
