I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
