Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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