DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
