i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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