i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
