you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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