If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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