Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I understand Curling. That high.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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