Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
