Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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