I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
