Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
