just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
