I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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