Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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