help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
