I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
