I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
