You're so nebulous sometimes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
