Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize