conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
