Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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