Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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