Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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