i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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