The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
