Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
