seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
