I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
