He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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