he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
