i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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