Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
