never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
