No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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