White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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