i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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