I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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