I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
