At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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