Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
