I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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