Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
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My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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