Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize