I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
