Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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