So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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