Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
they need to just BURY HIM!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
