2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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